THINGS TO DO ON MY FOURTH MONTH OF SHELTERING IN PLACE

Sleep in
Get up at 5 a.m

Purchase a backflow incense burner

Spend half an hour chanting prayers

Stare at the backflow incense burner

Flame war like you did before (And will again)
Paint
Do freewriting exercises
Go on a diet

Go off a diet and binge
Get really depressed

Tell your friends you are not depressed
Give away a whole lot of money
Subscribe to Master Class

Figure out that Master Class mostly sucks

Binge watch three seasons of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”
Binge watch eight seasons of “Monk”

Yell at the manager of the grocery store

Try to write
Fail to write
Fail better

Become even more of an expert hypochondriac
Harass doctor with “worried well” emails
Refuse to leave the house for weeks at a time

Go for a walk around the block

Photograph the neighborhood
Photograph the neighborhood again

And again

Get irritated with roommate for no reason
Get irritated with self for no reason

Talk about Donald Trump on Facebook as if it makes a difference

Get scared
Get scared
Get scared

Realize you have been experiencing “suicidal ideation”
Realize you’re having nightmares and insomnia
Don’t tell anybody about the nightmares and insomnia
Subscribe to internet pornography
Cancel the internet pornography

*** *** ***

Wonder: Was my life like this BEFORE? Gussied up a bit by different settings?

Conclude: Yes, it was.
Conclude: It doesn’t really matter.

Affirm: There is something else going on, deep down, that I can’t quite articulate. But it’s there.

Wonder: Am I lying to myself?

Affirm: I don’t care.

Wonder: Is anybody there?
Wonder: Is anybody there?
Wonder: Is anybody there?